A little light reading...

"RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht" (ramblininexile) 03/09/2015 at 17:15 • Filed to: keep oppo weird

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Carthena gaped at the gem gasping in a terrified manner "The eye of Argon, Oh! Kalla!" At this the gem gave off a blinding glow, then dribbled through Grignr's fingers in a slimy red ooze. Grignr stepped back, pushing Carthena behind him. The droplets of slime slowly converged into a pulsating jelly-like mass. A single opening transfixed the blob, forminf into a leechlike maw.

Then the hideous transgressor of nature flowed towards Grignr, a trail of greenish slime lingering behind it. The single gap puckered repeatedly emitting a ghastly sucking sound.

Grignr spread his legs into a battle stance, steeling his quivering thews for a battle royal with a thing he knew not how to fight. Carthena wound her arms about her protectors neck, mumbling, "Kill it! Kill!" While her entire body trembled.

The thing was almost upon Grignr when he buried his axe into the gristly maw. It passed through the blob and clanged upon the ground. Grignr drew his axe back with a film of yellow-green slime clinging to the blade. The thing was seemingly unaffected. Then it started to slooze up his leg. The hairs upon his nape stoode on end from the slimey feel of the things buly, bulk. The Nautous sucking sound became louder, and Grignr felt the blood being drawn from his body. With each hiss of hideous pucker the thing increased in size.

Grignr shook his foot about madly in an attempt to dislodge the blob, but it clung like a leech, still feeding upon his rapidly draining life fluid. He grasped with his hands trying to rip it off, but only found his hands entangled in a sickly glue- like substance. The slimey thing continued its puckering ; now having grown the size of Grignr's leg from its vampiric feast

...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Eye_o…

Agrajag > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 03/09/2015 at 17:38

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This passage left me befuddled and amazed. The wiki entry provided sufficient clarification.

I kind of want to find a copy of this. But reading that the author obviously put a lot of effort into it, only for it to be mocked, makes me a little sad.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Agrajag 03/09/2015 at 17:46

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http://ansible.uk/misc/eyeargon-…

It has illustrations. See also: http://spaghettilogic.org/the_eye_of_arg…

Agrajag > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 03/09/2015 at 18:03

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I almost want to do my own illustrated version.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Agrajag 03/09/2015 at 18:05

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I'm kind of surprised a terrible things aficionado like you hasn't heard of this.

ttyymmnn > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 03/09/2015 at 18:08

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Wow. That is undoubtedly the most tortured prose I have ever attempted to read. I made it through about three paragraphs and then had to cry uncle.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > ttyymmnn 03/09/2015 at 18:10

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According to Wikipedia, there used to be reading competitions with this - this and helium. You laugh, you lose competitions - one would assume they were very, very hard.

Agrajag > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 03/09/2015 at 18:13

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I'm a bit ashamed of myself, honestly. Though proud that one thinks me to have attained "terrible things aficionado" status.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Agrajag 03/09/2015 at 18:18

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It's a status earned by familiarity with MST3k/and/or awful fanfiction. Broad category: "Self harm with bad products of creative endeavor for the lulz".